From understanding your rights to ensuring your child enjoys a disruption-free summer, Catherine Hufton gathers expert advice on navigating the holidays as a co-parent
Whether you’re recently separated and are new to co-parenting or have been navigating the juggle with an ex for many years, dividing childcare responsibilities can be hard. When you throw school holidays into the mix, things naturally become even more complicated.
In fact, co-parenting is now more common than ever before. According to family law solicitor Clare Pilsworth, of Tees Law in Cambridge, as of 2023 there were approximately 3.2 million lone-parent households in the UK (using ONS data).
A significant proportion of these are believed to be separated couples finding ways to co-parent. Now, in 2025, that number is estimated to have risen to approximately 3.5 million.
If you’re a single parent, you’ll know the challenges co-parenting can present – especially during long breaks such as the six-week summer holiday. From agreeing to a child going abroad without you, to ensuring childcare is split equally, and even how a child’s illness is managed, there’s a lot to think about and, fundamentally, to disagree upon. That’s why knowing where you stand legally is incredibly important.
The legality of it all
So, what basic legal principles should you be aware of when embarking on a co-parenting agreement? Clare says, for co-parents, the most important is parental responsibility, known as PR: “Holders of PR are responsible for making decisions about how a child is brought up – by what name they are known, where they attend school, with whom they live, what medical treatment they receive and whether the child can be taken out of the jurisdiction.
“When there’s a disagreement between separated parents, considering what is in the best interests of the children is essential. This can be done by referring to factors in what is known as the Welfare Checklist (Section 1(3) Children Act 1989), which considers the child’s wishes and feelings (dependent on their age and maturity), their needs, any risk of harm and the capabilities of the parents.”
Clare also explains that, legally, there’s a ‘presumption of parental involvement’, which means that, unless the contrary is shown, it will be presumed to further a child’s welfare to have their parents involved in their lives. “But the involvement of the parents doesn’t necessarily have to be equal, nor does the involvement have to involve a division of the child’s time,” she clarifies.
Fiona McLeman, managing partner at FM Family Law, adds that both parents with parental responsibility do, however, have equal rights when making decisions about a child’s welfare. “This includes any decisions about schooling, healthcare and travel. It’s crucial to remember that parental rights are not about asserting control, but about ensuring the child’s needs are met,” she explains. “Day-to-day decisions about what a child wears and eats don’t have to be made in consultation with each other and, because of this, it can cause some confusion for parents about which decisions they must make with the other parent and which they don’t have to.”
Fiona adds that a common issue during the school holidays concerns deciding who children spend time with; especially if both parents want the same dates, have clashing commitments at work or one parent wishes to take a child away. This, of course, requires the other parent’s permission.
“Children might feel torn between parents or unsettled by frequent changes in routine or environment,” Fiona says. “If there isn’t a clear plan or agreed method of communication, misunderstandings can lead to conflict.” A lack of routine or neutral ground can make these exchanges stressful for both parents and children.
Working together
So, what can you do to make co-parenting as smooth and amicable as possible during the holidays? Clare at Tees Law suggests that, wherever possible, you should plan ahead so that logistical disagreements can be ironed out early, and create a holiday routine in advance. “Once arrangements have been agreed, think about how to communicate them clearly to the children and consider their ages when doing so. Perhaps use a family calendar to keep track as well.”
Co-parenting doesn’t have to be a struggle – finding neutral ground and making the child’s needs a priority can ease tension
You might also want to try to avoid common pain points such as expecting children to pass on messages for you. Instead, consider their needs and whether it’s appropriate to consult the children. “Wherever possible, co-parents should try to agree on arrangements between them as adults, but the children’s voices should also be heard,” she adds.
Likewise, Fiona believes that it’s important to have a degree of flexibility. “Life happens. Sometimes an unexpected illness or work commitments mean that plans need to change slightly. A spirit of cooperation goes a long way,” she says. As such, prioritising children’s experience of their holiday is integral. “School holidays can be very exciting times for children, so it’s important to keep the focus on creating a positive, memorable holiday experience for them,” she continues. “Maintain some routines for stability, but allow space for fun activities. Handovers can take place at a neutral location, such as a supermarket, to help minimise stress if this is an issue.”
Fiona urges parents to let their children share how they’re feeling as much as possible, while reassuring them that it’s OK to enjoy time with both parents. “It’s really important, regardless of the child’s age, to make them feel heard and that their feelings matter,” she continues. “This doesn’t mean following exactly what your child wants or asks for, but acknowledging their feelings is important for their self-esteem and wellbeing.”
The best outcome for all
Of course, the reality of life means that it’s not always possible for separated parents to communicate directly. If this rings true, Clare advises that a co-parenting app or some form of non-court dispute resolution might be more suitable. “Many families use mediation, parental coordination or negotiation through solicitors to reach practical and suitable child arrangements for holidays,” she says. If you still can’t reach an agreement easily, consider seeking legal advice.
No matter whether your situation is acrimonious and difficult, or amicable and respectful, take a moment at the end of each holiday period to review and reflect on what worked well and what didn’t. Consider doing this alongside your children where possible, and take into consideration the perspective of your ex-partner. You can tweak the arrangements accordingly for next time and move forward positively.
The summer holidays can present lots of challenges for co-parents, but planning ahead and preparing for all eventualities can make it a happy and fulfilling time for all. Don’t forget to prioritise your wellbeing too, and use time apart from your child for much-needed rest and relaxation.
Good communication
Family therapist Susie Hayden shares five top tips that can be employed to help co-parents interact effectively
Have ‘meetings’
Spending ten minutes each week having a kind of meeting without the children can have a positive effect on a co-parenting relationship, as well as on the children, who will be reassured by their parents being on the same page. Ask each other: how are we doing? Are we sharing the workload? Has anything changed since last week that is making either of us stressed or unhappy?
Avoid blame
Saying things like ‘you never…’ or ‘you always…’ can cause your ex-partner to feel attacked, and the argument is more likely to escalate. Start with your own feelings. This helps reduce the other person’s need to defend themselves, and can make it easier for them to receive the intended message.
Listen
Help your ex-partner feel deeply listened to and understood (also useful with teenagers) by really slowing things down and not jumping in to say ‘yes, but…’ or trying to fix things.
Take time out
When a conversation is getting out of control or emotions are running high, employ the time- out technique by taking a short break to calm emotions down. It can be called in at any time, but needs to be agreed to by both sides as a strategy. Set a time to restart the discussion so that neither party feels rejected or ignored.
Children first
Always think from your child’s perspective first: do they want organised activities all the time or do they just want quiet time with you at home, relaxing and learning how to occupy themselves with short bursts of your attention? Confidence comes from secure attachments with parents.
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